Selasa, 29 April 2008

Something Stinks

Fragrances seem harmless enough right? They are, after all, just “smell”. Well, I hate to burst your vanilla-scented (which is actually ‘pyperonal,’ originally created to be a lice killer) bubble, but you know that if I’m writing about it, it’s probably bad. Believe it or not, fragrances are some of the most dangerous products on the market today. Not just perfume, but anything with a scent can have serious negative effects on numerous parts of the body, both inside and out.

It is against the law to sell any commercial product without an ingredient list that catalogs all of the elements inside. But, while the label might simply say a product contains "fragrance," that innocuous catchall can mean that there are over six hundred additional synthetic petrochemicals.

Manufacturers are not required to list the specific chemicals in their fragrances because they've convinced legislators and government agencies that these ingredients are trade secrets. Of the 5,000 different chemicals used in fragrance products, less than 20% have been tested and reported as toxic. The federal government regulates many of those chemicals that have been tested as hazardous materials. The remaining chemicals have not been toxicity tested, so the health effects and regulatory potential are unknown.

Studies show that fragrance chemicals can cause health effects, primarily at the skin, lungs and brain. Many studies have been conducted to show that fragrance products can cause skin sensitivity, rashes, and dermatitis. In fact, skin sensitivity is one of the best-known side effects of fragrances.

A number of studies have been conducted to show how fragrance affects the brain as well. Because of the strong connection between scent and memory, we know that fragrance products can cross the blood brain barrier. This is important because it means that fragrance chemicals have the potential to affect, and possibly damage, brain tissue. This kind of effect is called 'neurotoxicity.' For example, Linalool, the most abundant chemical in perfume and fragrance products, is known to cause lethargy, depression, and life threatening respiratory effects.

Fragrance chemicals can enter the body through inhalation and ingestion through the nose and mouth, and absorption through the skin. Once in the body they are absorbed into the bloodstream and transported throughout the body. Individual sensitivity to the effects of fragrance chemicals varies widely from no effect at all to severe symptoms.

Symptoms experienced by some people include: headache (migraine especially), sneezing, watery eyes, sinus problems, anxiety, nausea, wheezing (especially in asthmatics), shortness of breath, inability to concentrate, brain-fog, dizziness, convulsions, sore throat, cough, chest tightness, hyperactivity (especially in children), tremor, fatigue, lethargy, and drowsiness.

Children are even more susceptible than adults to the effects of fragrance chemicals, yet fragrances are added to nearly every baby product on the market. A parent who wears perfume or uses scented products may well be poisoning the air their children breathe. Exposure to fragrances may result in the child having difficulty concentrating, learning disabilities, hyperactive behavior, and even growth retardation and seizures in extreme cases.

Even though there are outward symptoms that can be evident, there may also be symptoms that we cannot see. We know that many chemicals can cause birth defects (both subtle, like learning disabilities, and overt, like limb deformities) or make changes in DNA, but it is often difficult, if not impossible, to link those effects to a given exposure.

If you really insist on wearing fragrances, choose wisely. There are many natural perfumes out there; you just can’t buy them from an overly made-up, lab coat clad lady in a department store waiting to take advantage of your naïve nose.

Try essential oils, simply the "oil of" the plant material from which they were extracted, such as lavender, rose, eucalyptus, or sandalwood (just to name a few). Since essential oil is typically extracted by distillation, you are only buying a natural component of the plant itself. The scent is pure, deep, long lasting, and they often have many health-promoting effects – just consider aromatherapy!

You can also buy perfume oil, which is essential oil typically cut with jojoba oil (a shrub native to the American southwest), since it is colourless and odorless. The vial pictured above is rose oil, my absolute undoing! I bought this in Marrakech since they are known for their high-quality oils, but you can purchase perfume and essential oils at most health food stores. Just ask someone for assistance as each brand ranges a great deal in quality and price.

Solid perfume is another great option. The strange looking object beside the bottle is just that – essential oil combined with beeswax, and we all know the benefits of that glorious substance! You will often find solid perfume in a small container of sorts, but this one (also purchased in Morocco) was a rare find. Solid perfume is almost like lip balm, except that you rub in into your pulse points: wrists, neck, behind the ear, base of the throat, temples. This is where the blood vessels are closest to the skin giving off more heat and acting like mini fragrance pumps.

The effects of many fragrance chemicals on health are still largely unknown. The fact that different fragrances cause different symptoms (or no symptoms at all) may indicate that some chemicals are more toxic than others. But until all chemicals have been tested, we can't know which products are harmful, and which are not. Until the time that all chemicals have been tested and the harmful one removed from production processes, it is prudent to avoid fragranced products as much as possible. Afterall, you shouldn’t have to cause asthma attacks and alter your DNA just to smell a little sweeter!

Source: Sweet Poison: What your nose won’t tell you about the dangers of perfume

Senin, 28 April 2008

Green Chile Tortilla Bake Recipe

Gluten free enchilada casserole recipe
A gluten-free tortilla casserole with cream cheese and green chiles. Si.

Planted on the coast of Cape Cod for many years (forever, it seemed on gloomy January days) I daydreamed about fire roasted chiles. The smoky pepper sweetness that flirted with your senses as you walked in Santa Fe. The luxury of buying bags of freshly roasted chiles by the roadside- still warm,  soft as butter, and charred. In fact, I may have moved here for the chiles alone.

That's entirely possible.

I may have been so drop dead in love with chiles when we bought this casita that I didn't notice I'd be stuck out in the desert with so few neighbors. No bookstore, no cafe- no movie theater. What was I thinking? Only my analyst knows for sure (if she remembers me; it's been years since Jungian analysis).

Along with dreaming of Val Kilmer (not the rock scrambling Thunderheart Val, the expanding, voluptuous new Mega Val- and why he showed up in my dream, I've no clue- better ask my analyst) I've been craving green chile this month like mad as we approach our second anniversary of moving to New Mexico. And wouldn't you know it! I'm out of last year's roadside bags of chiles. They're long gone (my freezer is annoyingly, shall we say, petite). Until roasting season starts I have to settle with buying frozen Bueno chiles. And they're not bad, exactly. They are pretty dang good.

Yet, as I sit and crave and daydream, the big question becomes: Do I really still want to be here in August when chile roasting begins? Is my chile love a devoted, true love, or simply an infatuation? A passing fancy? Will your intrepid dusty goddess remain here in the coyote hills of O'Keeffe country or soon be walking Venice Beach in her Rocket Dogs?

I tell myself, just breathe. There are Bueno chiles to defrost.


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Jumat, 25 April 2008

Strawberry Chocolate Chip Scones- Gluten-Free Recipe

Gluten free scones with strawberries and chocolate chips
Easy gluten-free scone deliciousness.

Today was a good day. A strawberry and chocolate laced crusty on the outside tender on the inside kind of day. That's right. I got sconed. And the best part (aside from the fresh organic berry goodness, that is)? These golden biscuity morsels are vegan. That's right. No eggs. No milk. No butter (sorry, moo-cow fans).

On a whim yesterday (I am often prone to whims Dear Reader, especially after a sun dappled picnic on the Santa Fe plaza, perched on a bench beneath a flowering cherry tree across from a red robed Buddhist monk eating Chinese take-out. We devoured pesto slathered smoked turkey rolled in brown rice tortillas and I didn't drip a single green drop of cilantro infused olive oil on my ironed boot cut jeans) I picked up a Gluten-Free Pantry Muffin and Scone Mix at Whole Foods (long time readers know I miss my old favorite Pamela's Ultimate Baking Mix, and I've yet to find an all-purpose replacement mix that's half as good).

I was in such an expansive mood post my double espresso at the nearby Starbucks that I thought I might try baking something fun and slightly indulgent for the weekend. The organic strawberries smelled beyond heavenly in their ripe and ruby lusciousness. Yes, I smell all my fruit and veggies before I buy. Don't you? The woman with the amber handled cane you see standing in the Whole Foods produce aisle sniffing tomatoes and berries and anything else she can get her one free hand on, Darling?

That would be me.


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Kamis, 24 April 2008

Rub a Dub Dub


This week’s product is a real favorite of mine. It’s made by “Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soaps”, a family company that has been making suds for over 150 years. Don’t be fooled by the crazy label printed with tiny, fanatical messages that read like the ramblings of a paranoid Old Testament. That’s just Dr. Bronner’s “Moral ABC” that I don’t think anyone quite understands, but very entertaining when you’re bored in the bath…

This soap is made of a combination of organic extra virgin coconut, olive, jojoba and hemp oils, together with pure essential oils. Available in bar or liquid form, it cleans effectively without being aggressive and produces a velvety-lather that leaves the skin silky-smooth and refreshed. My favorite scent is peppermint, but there is a variety to suit all tastes: lavender, citrus, tea tree, almond, rose, and eucalyptus. All versions are biodegradable and vegetable-based, which means lake bathing in the summer months (a favorite pastime of mine!). They are packaged in 100% post-consumer recycled (PCR) cylinder bottles and paper labels and best of all, they contain no synthetic foaming agents, thickeners or preservatives!

One of the most objectionable things you’re trying to avoid when buying drug-store soap is called sodium lauryl sulfate, or SLS. This inexpensive detergent is commonly used in cosmetic cleansers, hair shampoos, bath and shower gels, bubble baths, etc. It is probably the most dangerous ingredient used in skin and hair-care products. In the cleaning industry SLS is used in garage floor cleaners, engine degreasers, car-wash soaps, etc. It is very corrosive and readily attacks greasy surfaces.

Sodium lauryl sulfate is used throughout the world for clinical testing as a primary skin irritant. Laboratories use it to irritate skin on test animals and humans so that they may then test healing agents to see how effective they are on the irritated skin.

A study at the University of Georgia Medical College indicated that SLS penetrated into the eyes as well as brain, heart, liver, etc., and showed long-term retention in the tissues. The study also indicated that SLS penetrated young children's eyes and prevented them from developing properly and caused cataracts to develop in adults.

SLS cleans by corrosion. It dries the skin by stripping the protective lipids from the surface so it can't effectively regulate moisture.

Another extremely serious problem is the connection of SLS with nitrate contamination. SLS reacts with many types of ingredients used in skin products and forms nitrosamines (nitrates). Nitrates are potential cancer-causing carcinogens.

Because of the alarming penetrating power of SLS, large amounts of these known carcinogens are absorbed through the skin into the body. A variation of SLS is SODIUM LAURETH SULFATE (Sodium Lauryl Ether Sulfate- SLES). It exhibits many of the same characteristics and is a higher-foaming variation of SLS.

Look for SLS in these products and find alternatives!
Soaps
Shampoos
Bubble-baths
Toothpaste
Washing-up liquid / dish soap
Laundry detergent
Children’s soaps / shampoos
Body wash
Shave cream
Mascara
Mouthwash
Skin cleanser
Moisture lotion / Moisturizer
Sun Cream

Do not believe that just because a product is labeled as "natural" it is free from SLS or sodium laureth sulfate. Most common brands of "Natural" or "Herbal" shampoos and cleansers still use these harmful chemicals as their main active ingredient - check your labels.

I'd also like to share this video about Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap company's recent effort to get all of the olive oil they use in their soaps from organic & fair trade sources.


information resource: http://www.healthy-communications.com/slsmostdangerousirritant.html

Selasa, 22 April 2008

Spring is Sparkling

“May there only be peaceful and cheerful Earth Days to come for our beautiful Spaceship Earth as it continues to spin and circle in frigid space with its warm and fragile cargo of animate life.”

–United Nations Secretary-General U Thant
March 21, 1971.

Senin, 21 April 2008

Gluten-Free Salad Dressing Recipes: Or 3 Ways To Dress A Naked Salad

Gluten free salad dressings for your fresh crisp greens
Three easy gluten-free salad dressings.


Let us take a moment and appreciate the humble green salad. The crisp crunchy greenness. The tender bites of bitter and sweet. The whole feel-good shiver you get when you chow down a plate of bunny food.

Bunny food rocks, my friend.

But how to dress a naked green? That is the question. Bottled stuff simply won't do. Too many additives and stabilizers and gums you can't pronounce. Or the ubiquitous evil soybean oil. Ick. (Did I just write Ick? Well, I meant it. I loathe soybean oil.) I offer you, instead, three simple dressings- three recipes you can whip up in a New Mexico minute, adapted from my first cookbook, Recipes from a Vegetarian Goddess. Toss them with love.


Basil Citrus Vinaigrette

This a perfect dressing for a brunch salad- especially if you're serving Mimosas.

4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
2 tablespoons Champagne vinegar
1 teaspoon orange zest
2 tablespoons minced fresh basil
1/2 teaspoon organic agave nectar
A pinch of sea salt, to taste
Fresh ground pepper, to taste

Mix all of the ingredients in a glass dish or cup. I use a fork for this. Drizzle over fresh greens. Toss. Munch. Be happy.

Serves 4.


Ginger Dressing

The Asian flavors in this include soy sauce- if you're allergic to soy try substituting molasses.

2 tablespoons sesame oil
1 tablespoon light olive oil
4 tablespoons rice vinegar
2 tablespoons wheat-free soy sauce
1 inch fresh ginger, grated
1 garlic clove, minced
1/2 teaspoon organic agave nectar

Mix all of the ingredients in a glass dish or cup. I use a fork for this. Taste test and adjust seasonings.

Pour over an Asian-inspired mix of spring greens, matchstick carrots, sliced water chestnuts, mung bean sprouts, sliced mushrooms, red onion and cashews. Toss. Smile.

Serves 4.


Greek Salad Dressing

Greek salad makes an easy weeknight supper. Pair it with a hearty bread like my Sweet Potato Cornbread. Add in some hard boiled eggs, sardines or tuna if you like.

4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons golden balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon lemon zest
1 tablespoon minced fresh oregano
1 tablespoon minced fresh mint
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon organic agave nectar
A pinch of sea salt, to taste
Fresh ground pepper, to taste

Mix all of the ingredients in a glass dish or cup. I use a fork for this. Taste test and adjust seasonings.

Drizzle over a Greek salad that includes cucumbers, red onion, kalamata olives, pepperoncini, grape tomatoes and feta cheese. Toss. Devour. Dance. Smash a few plates.

Serves 4.


Senin, 14 April 2008

What I miss? My Blue Corn Chip Frittata

Frittata- an easy, gluten-free supper.


There are nights when tossing together breakfast for dinner is the sane thing to do. It's easy. It's fast. And yes, even delicious. A well done frittata is bliss, pure and simple. Here is one of my old favorites.

Blue Corn Chip Frittata for Two

Choose fresh free-range organic eggs for best taste. The chips can be a tad stale.

Ingredients:

Organic blue corn chips- enough for one layer in an omelette pan
2 tablespoons Roasted Vegetable Salsa
2-3 oz. Jalapeño Pepper Jack or cheddar cheese, shredded
4 large organic free-range eggs
1/3 to 1/2 cup light cream or Half & Half
A few organic grape or cherry tomatoes, halved
Fresh chopped cilantro

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 375ºF.

Lightly oil an oven proof 8-inch omelet pan.

Layer the blue corn chips in the bottom of the prepared pan. Top each chip with a dab of salsa. Sprinkle with most of the shredded cheese.

Whisk the eggs with the cream till fluffy and pour the mixture all over the chips. Finish with the rest of the cheese. Top with the halved tomatoes and a dusting of fresh cilantro.

Bake in a hot oven for about 20 to 25 minutes or until the eggs are set and the frittata is golden.

Serves 2. 


Serve with Joey's Kicked Up Rockin' Guac.






Minggu, 13 April 2008

So Fresh and So Clean

I use as few “products” as possible, simply because I want to avoid putting chemicals in and on my body. But toothpaste is one of those things you just gotta use if you want to have any kind of social life. The problem with toothpaste today is that it’s filled with all kinds of gunk. Foaming agents, flavorings, dyes and toxic chemicals, such as fluoride, contaminate the pastes and gels that we put in our mouths to get them clean – seems rather counterintuitive, doesn’t it?

For this post I wanted to focus solely on fluoride, since many non-fluoride toothpastes are entering the mainstream market, and it’s time we are all educated on what this chemical actually is.

Fluoride is a by-product of the aluminum manufacturing process, and is produced in rather large quantities. The attempt to market it as a health-improving product began in the mid-20th century, and it was promoted to the American Dental Association because it is said to “prevent tooth decay”. More recently, other studies attempting to document the effectiveness of fluoride have been conducted. Dr. John Yiamouyiannis examined the raw data from a large study that was conducted by the National Institute for Dental Research (NIDR). He concluded that fluoride did not appear to have any decay preventing success, as there was little difference in the DMFT values (the mean number of decayed, missing or filled teeth) for approximately 40,000 children. It did not matter whether they grew up in fluoridated, non-fluoridated or partially fluoridated communities. (Yiamouyiannis, J.A. "Water Fluoridation and Tooth Decay: Results from the 1986-87 National Survey of U.S. Schoolchildren", Fluoride, 23, 55-67, 1990).

Aside from toothpaste and mouthwash, fluoride can also be found in much of the water supply in North America. In excess fluoride can produce a condition called fluorosis. This condition is characterized by the failure of tooth enamel to crystallize properly in permanent teeth. The effects range from chalky, opaque blotching of teeth to severe, rust-colored stains, surface pitting and tooth brittleness. Bony changes, characterized by osteosclerosis, exostoses of the spine, and genu valgum, usually are seen only after prolonged high intake of fluoride in adults. These changes occur due to the fact that fluoride is not biodegradable and it accumulates in the body and bones resulting in a toxic or poisoning effect.

It is questionable as to whether or not fluoride should be added to toothpaste at all, but it is for certain that toothpaste containing fluoride should never be swallowed. There is enough fluoride in a tube of fluoridated toothpaste to kill two children. Since 1997 the American Dental Association has reqired all toothpastes containing fluoride to print a warning label on their packaging. That is enough to scare me off.

I have been using non-fluoridated toothpaste for nearly 5 years and there has been no change in my teeth whatsoever (much to the chagrin of my dentist). I have tried many natural types of toothpaste, but Jason makes the one I love the most and it’s called “Sea Fresh”. The ingredients in this product are top notch, and the taste (from spearmint leaf oil and parsley) is so fresh and so clean! The biologically active blue-green algae, sea salts and minerals help heal detoxify and strengthen gums and teeth, while the perilla seed extracts neutralize bacteria and sugar acids. Sea Fresh even contains three natural whitening polishers: bamboo powder, calcium carbonate and silica. Many of the ingredients are certified organic and this product is never tested on animals. What more can you ask for?

I came across a fascinating video, The Fluoride Deception, while I was researching for this post. It’s a little lengthy but incredibly eye opening, as it exposes the lies we’ve been fed about fluoride our whole lives.



Please remember that I am not being compensated in any way to endorse these products. I just want to spread the word…

Sabtu, 12 April 2008

Gluten-Free Tomato Soup

A yummy tomato soup with a secret. Shhh!

A old school family favorite- tomato soup. Right? Here's an easy kid-friendly recipe. With a secret. When I was a little girl cabbage was a stinky word. Cabbage was something you wrinkled your nose at. The mere mention of the word conjured the smell of my grandmother's house- which was, in truth, an olfactory bouquet of Lucky Strikes, boiled eggs and kielbasa. Cabbage was only the top note. And how I hated it.

In those golden culinary days of the 1950's and '60's, the favored method of cooking cabbage was to boil it to death. Often, with potatoes. And apparently without opening the windows. Come to think of it- I don't ever remember seeing an open window in my grandmother's house. I have no images of curtains sailing upward in a gusty cool spring breeze. No sense memories of distant humming lawnmowers to distract from the television. No conjuring of fresh air. Was this lock-down by some unseen divine plan? Or maybe a generalized exercise in denial? Who knows?

All I knew was that the end result of the boiling-cabbage-to-death method was rather like eating swampy unidentified mush. Not exactly tantalizing for a texture and fragrance sensitive child. Why would anyone eat this? my tiny girl heart would question. Because it's good for you, was the inevitable answer.

Turns out, of course (and you knew this was coming), cabbage is, indeed, very good for you. Especially for those of us healing from the ravages of celiac disease. Cabbage, it turns out, heals the gut. So, what if your childhood included smelly bowls of boiled cabbage and you simply can't make yourself- or someone you love with all of your buoyant and hopeful heart- eat the damn stuff? Bubela. 

Have I got a soup for you.


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Selasa, 08 April 2008

Gluten-Free Pueblo Bread Recipe with Green Chiles

Pueblo Bread with green chiles
 Rustic gluten-free bread- easy and delicious.

This is the easiest yeasted bread you'll ever make. Well, from a scratch recipe, I mean. You'll have to whisk together some gluten-free flours and proof a little yeast in warm (not too hot!) water, but you can handle that, right? Once it's stirred together, you smooth it into a cake pan, let it rise in a warm and cozy oven, then bake it. If you want an easier bread making experience than this, Darling, buy any gluten-free mix, dump it into a bread machine and press Start.

I'm calling it Pueblo Bread because a certain savvy friend of mine (you know the one- my pal Joey, who makes the best damn guacamole recipe this side of the Mississippi) who knows from Nuevo Native American cuisine, called it (and my quote could be slightly inaccurate, Gentle Reader, due to consuming literal fistfuls of organic hand-popped popcorn to quell the mind-numbing boredom of enduring two and half hours of There Will Be Blood), Tasty and authentic, and not unlike the local Pueblo style breads.

As for the movie choice? My bad. Maybe the sheer Shakespearean brilliance of Deadwood has spoiled me forever when it comes to period westerns (it's possible).

Next time I'm picking something with Frances McDormand.

The men will just have to deal.


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Sabtu, 05 April 2008

The Bees Knees


I thought I would start off this month’s exposé of personal care products by answering one of the questions I am most frequently asked: “what is the best natural deodorant?” I guess people trust that I know what I am talking about (and I do), but when it comes to natural products, there is never one solution that suits everyone. Since every body is different, we each have our own unique chemistry that reacts, or fails to react with what we put in our bodies and on our skin.

First, let me explain the difference between deodorants and antiperspirants. Antiperspirants work by clogging, closing, or blocking the pores with powerful astringents such as aluminum salts so that they can’t release sweat. In recent years, the aluminum in antiperspirants has come under scrutiny because of its possible link to Alzheimer’s disease and breast cancer. Deodorants on the other hand, work by neutralizing the smell of the sweat and by antiseptic action against bacteria. Deodorants are preferable because they don’t interfere with sweating, which is a natural cleansing process necessary to release toxins and also cool the body.

Besides aluminum, regular deodorants and antiperspirants contain other undesirable ingredients that we can simply do without. One ingredient is called Propylene Glycol and it is one of the most common humectants (chemical agents that prevent products from drying out). It is used in many other cosmetic products including most shampoos and conditioners, some soaps, liquid foundation, baby lotions, suntan lotions, emollients or moisturizers and lipsticks. Propylene Glycol has been linked with health problems such as contact dermatitis, autotoxicity, kidney damage and liver abnormalities. It was originally developed for use in industry as an anti-freeze, brake fluid, airplane de-icer among other applications. Despite its possible carcinogenic properties, it's been used in the cosmetics for over 30 years.

That being said, I have been using Burt’s Bees Herbal Deodorant for 3 or 4 years with great success. I have also recommended this product to many friends that swear by it. The liquid, which comes is a spray bottle, contains an essential oil blend of Sage, Lemon and Lavender minimizes and neutralizes odors naturally. Sage is a natural antioxidant, the leaves of which are used for their tonic, astringent and soothing properties. It has a spicy, herbal scent, which some people do not like, however, the smell disappears once it dries. And when the bottle is empty, I re-use it to hold my own personal after-shower spritzer (pictured above). I mix lavender and sandalwood essential oils with a little water, which has a relaxing affect on the senses. This makes a really nice gift too!

Remember that our skin is less of a suit of armor, and more of a sponge that absorbs up to 70% of what we apply to it (just think about the nicotine and hormone patch). Since we are already exposed to a plethora of chemicals through the air we breathe and the food we eat, we may as well try to reduce our exposure by using the purest products possible.

You should also remember that a natural deodorant that works for your best friend might not work for you. Don’ give up! Try a few brands and varieties to see which one you prefer. Your local health food store will offer the widest selection. Here’s to sweet smelling and brake fluid-free armpits!

Selasa, 01 April 2008

Quick and Easy Sesame Shrimp Stir-Fry

Easy sesame shrimp stir-fry on rice.

 
For those of you following me on Twitter (thanks to Susan at FatFree Vegan Kitchen for igniting the follow-through on getting myself Twittered), you knew I was stir-frying last night. What you didn't know? That despite the hefty gusts of pollen thickened wind battering the casita (hefty gusts of pollen thickened wind makes me downright prickly if not certifiable) I managed to gather my throbbing wits long enough to create a new stir-fry sauce.


JUNIPER ASSAULTED GODDESS
(chewing)

So. What do you think? On a scale of one to ten?

PATIENT KIND HUSBAND
(scraping bowl spotless)

Um. Really, really tasty. Eleven. And a half.

JUNIPER ASSAULTED GODDESS
(blowing pollen thickened nose)

Really? Wow. Wait.
(pause)
It's not a twelve?



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